


The Cursed Follicles

by cockslut3000



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Christmas, Domestic, Fanart, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Holidays, Humor, Love Confessions, M/M, Party, Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 03, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 10:22:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17201717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cockslut3000/pseuds/cockslut3000
Summary: Takes place the winter following Howard's birthday party (and after the chokes). The boys do Christmas activities and gay shit ensues. Everything's okay and everyone is happy.





	The Cursed Follicles

**Author's Note:**

> Bits of this fic will make more sense if you've seen the deleted scene from the end of Party:   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3xeKKusdyg

It was a quiet December afternoon in the Nabootique, and it was the first snow of the year. The flakes were descending vigorously outside the window and not many people were out and about, so Vince and Howard mostly had the shop to themselves. 

That morning they’d gotten up extra early upon seeing the snow to have one of their traditional christmas satsuma fights, and then they’d baked cookies. Howard did most of the work, while Vince just hung around the kitchen in an apron he’d made himself, using a fair amount of glitter. (He’d also made Howard a nutmeg coloured one which he had to admit he rather liked the look of.) 

 

They hadn’t actually gotten to eat many of the cookies, as Bollo had intervened and snuck some hash into the mix, then eaten them as soon as they were out of the oven. They’d left him passed out on the couch and gone downstairs to open shop.

Currently, they were putting up lights for the holidays. Howard, being the taller of the two, was pinning them to the wall, while Vince directed him aesthetically. When he finished, they surveyed their work proudly. 

“Merry Christmas, Howard!”

“It’s not Christmas yet, little man.”

“Don’t spoil the fun, you know you’re excited.”

The truth was, Howard was excited for the holidays, more so than he’d been in ages. Ever since he’d returned from Denmark, Vince had been practically adhered to his side, as if afraid he might take off again if he let him out of his sight. It was making him feel more appreciated, and if he let his mind go there, quite warm inside. He hadn’t previously been aware of how much Vince actually enjoyed having him around. He’d always considered Vince his family, but for the first time he felt like the feeling was reciprocated. This Christmas was already promising to be a good one. 

Howard was busy sorting through his jazz records when, out of the blue, Vince asked, “How was it, losing your virginity to that girl on your birthday?”

Howard froze. He hadn’t told Vince what had actually transpired that night, and it was for a very good reason. “Why'd you want to know about that?”

“Oh, just curious. Been a long time since I was a virgin.” Right, of course it had. Vince was always throwing backhanded insults at Howard in the form of a brag, though he he didn’t really do it on purpose. He probably wasn’t even deliberately boasting, he was just stating facts. 

“Well… I didn’t exactly… sleep with her. It’s rather complicated…” 

Vince looked at him expectantly. Oh, he really wanted to know. Howard’s face burned.

“Itwasntagirlitwasgregg,” he mumbled.

“What? Didn’t quite catch that, Howard.”

“Ahem. It was… Old Gregg. In disguise.”

Vince stared at him for a moment and Howard couldn’t quite discern what he was thinking. Then he burst into raucous laughter, his silver jumpsuit glistening as his shoulders shook. “Shit, that is genius, Howard!”

“Oh, shut it, or I’ll come at you, sir!” He tried to glare at Vince but the corners of his mouth kept twitching and all of a sudden he couldn’t stop his face from twisting itself into a grin. Vince’s laughter was infectious and Howard knew he wasn’t being mean, he genuinely thought the whole situation was hilarious. He supposed he would agree, if it had happened to someone other than himself. 

“So what did you do?”

“Put sleeping pills in his Bailey’s and called him a cab.”

Vince giggled. “Ever the gentleman!”

Howard was secretly relieved Vince hadn’t made fun of him for still being a virgin; apparently he really didn’t think less of him for it. They laughed and bantered and crimped some more before settling into a comfortable silence. 

He went off to put the kettle on. When he came back with a cup of tea for each of them, Vince looked considerably more serious. Howard sat down next to him warily, wondering if maybe he’d had bad news from the fashion doctor again. 

“Look, about that night on the roof…” he began.

Oh, shit. 

They hadn’t talked about the kiss in months, not since the party, and Howard had been quietly waiting for Vince to bring it up and most likely ask him to move out. Why it had taken this long, he had no idea. He squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for his life as he knew it to end. 

The emotional blow never came.

“I’m sorry, Howard. I know you said when you crossed that physical boundary it’d be forever, and I feel awful that I took that from you. You should’ve had your first kiss with someone who meant something to you.” 

Howard looked at Vince in shock. “What’re you on about? Of course you mean something to me. That kiss meant everything to me. I know it was a spur of the moment event, simply carried out to keep you from being stabbed, but I wasn’t lying about how it made me feel. It opened my eyes, Vince!” He clamped his mouth shut. Christ, why did he always have to let everything slip out in the heat of the moment? He took a long sip of his tea to hide his face.

Vince’s eyes were wide. “What? Then how come you changed your mind as soon as that girl came out?”

Howard still couldn’t meet Vince's gaze. “Well, I was embarrassed. As soon as I saw her I snapped back into real life and realized I was making a fool of myself, that I wasn’t living in a fantasy world where my best mate wanted to kiss me.”

Vince stepped closer, and when it didn’t look like Howard was about to do his  _ don’t touch me _ routine, put a gentle hand on his arm. Howard looked at it uncomfortably but seemed determined not to flinch. 

“You’re right, Howard, this isn’t a fantasy world. We’re in the real world. A world where your best mate wants to kiss you.”

“You don’t mean that, you’re just saying it cause I said it.”

“I do mean it!”

“Then why’d you go off with that other girl as well?”

“You’d just chucked me! What was I supposed to -”

The door of the Nabootique banged open and they both jumped about two feet, clinging to each other’s arms. A silhouette filled the doorway for a few dramatic seconds, letting in a blast of cold air and a few flurries, and then stepped into the shop, revealing itself as a familiar figure they hadn’t seen since their days in the zoo.

“What a touching scene!” Bellowed Dixon Bainbridge, with his typical amount of force. Something had changed, though. Something  _ major _ . He had no hair - not on his head, not on his upper lip. Without it, his usual threatening demeanor was completely absent.

“Moon! Moon’s sparkly wife! Where the blazes is Naboo?”

Vince and Howard glanced at each other and Howard stepped forward. “Naboo is out buying lanterns, in Japan. However, I’m fully qualified to run his shop while he’s gone. What do you want, Bainbridge?”

Vince nodded at the man’s head. “What’s happened to your hair, did it get stolen by one of those black market wig makers? That happened to me once, it was a nightmare. What I did is I told them my hair dissolves if it’s off my head too long. They couldn’t bear to risk finding out if it were true, gave it right back. I haven’t actually tested that, for all I know it is the truth!” 

Bainbridge huffed and stood taller, only managing to look slightly less pathetic. “I've been cursed, little lady man.”

Howard squinted at him. “Cursed? Cursed by whom?” 

“My ex wife, that witch bitch! She couldn’t handle the glory of my moustache knowing it outshone hers, and took my follicles for herself!”

“Right… Well, unfortunately magic isn’t my area of expertise. You'll have to come back when Naboo is available.”

Bainbridge turned to leave the shop but Vince put a hand out. “Now hold on… I think I’ve got something here that might interest you. I’ve run out of wigs of my own hair, they sold out within an hour, but I’ve got the next best thing: wigs made from the old hair of Freddie Mercury himself, complete with the moustache!” 

At the mention of a moustache Bainbridge whipped back around. “I’ll take three!”

Vince chuckled. “Alright! That’ll be a million euros.”

“Right, here you are then! Good day sirs.”

Howard scowled. “Sorry, but what about your follicles?”

“I said good day sirs!”

After Bainbridge left the shop with his purchase Vince sat down on the barber’s chair by the window and got out the latest Cheekbone magazine. 

Howard crossed his arms. “Made another big sale then, you happy with yourself?”  
Vince grinned. “Yeah! Might spend the money on these boots I saw at Topshop the other day, they were well shiny!” He went back to reading his magazine. Well, Howard wasn’t sure if he was actually reading it; probably just looking at the pictures. 

It was only that evening that Howard remembered their interrupted conversation from earlier, and by that time they’d settled back into normal life and it was too late to bring it up. 

 

~

 

Vince figured he’d made Howard uncomfortable with his prying and all the talk of kissing. When he woke the next morning Howard’s bed was empty and for a second he was afraid he’d scared him off, but then he heard dishes clanging in the other room. He put on his silk robe and went out to the kitchen.

“Alright, Howard!”

“Morning, Vince. Hot chocolate?”

“Yeah, cheers! Naboo back yet?”

Howard put a generous mountain of whipped cream on top of Vince’s hot chocolate and handed it to him. “Back from Japan, yeah, he’s out right now though. Bollo’s helping him find a Christmas tree at Shamansbury’s.”

After breakfast Vince helped Howard do the dishes, even though normally doing chores would mess with his image. Lately he was doing everything he could to insure Howard would stick around. He wasn’t sure if Howard noticed his effort, but he wasn’t taking any chances. 

He seemed to be in a good mood, and Vince wasn’t really sure where they stood, since he thought Howard would’ve been sulking after their conversation from yesterday. He decided to find out. He dried his hands and went over to Howard, patting his belly.

“Don’t touch me!”

So they were back to normal, then. Vince stepped away and they went through the routine as usual. “Ha, what a joker!” 

“I’m not joking, don’t ever touch me… ehhhhhh!”

Vince put his hand on Howard’s chest and waited for the reprimand, but it never came. He put both hands on Howard now, wondering if maybe he hadn’t noticed, though that didn’t make much sense. Howard simply stood there, still smiling like he’d made a regular joke and not completely altered the regular dynamic. Baffled, Vince put his hand right on Howard’s face, cupping his cheek. Howard held his breath and looked at Vince. It was undeniable now that he noticed Vince was touching him - he just didn’t seem to mind. Or at least, he was making an effort to seem like he didn’t mind. Unbidden, a temptation crept into Vince’s mind.  _ Kiss him!  _ His brain receptionist urged, always the romantic.  _ Don’t be ridiculous,  _ replied the brain cell.  _ It’ll ruin everything.  _ The receptionist smiled cheekily.  _ If you do I might think about staying late tonight, if you catch my drift.  _ The brain cell gave in immediately. Before he could chicken out, Vince stood on his tiptoes and pressed his lips to Howard’s. 

It felt so familiar - in fact, it was really the only time Vince had ever kissed the same person twice. Howard froze for a second and then started to kiss back, wrapping his arms around Vince. He pulled back after a few seconds and Vince’s heart seized in terror, but Howard’s small eyes were shining. 

“I thought you’d never do this again.”

“Oh, Howard.” Vince pressed a kiss to Howards jaw and he gasped. Vince suddenly knew what to say, and he knew he had to say it first for Howard to believe him. 

“I love you so much.”

Howard absolutely melted into Vinces embrace.

“I love you too, little man.”

 

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Art by me! (more at maldecorum.tumblr.com)


End file.
